Distraction while I drink coffee and wake the F* up.

92% accomplished!

This made me think of Lindsay Lohan b/c she is supposed to be a bad girl, but I def worshiped her most my life because she was so pretty-- and HAD RED HAIR. Which I have wanted my whole life :)
Me in elementary school = attempting to dress like her after that twin movie via Limited Too (which is Justice now?! Sad. My daughter can't be a Limited Too baby slut.)
Me in middle school = going to see Mean girls a MILLION times so that I could girl crush on her (and Rachel M.)

1. had sex

2. Bought condoms

3. Gotten pregnant

4. Failed a class

5. kissed a boy

6. kissed a girl

7. used a little paper bag for lunch

8. Had a job

9. slipped on ice

10. missed the school bus

11. left the house without my wallet/purse

12. bullied someone on the internet

13. sexted

14. had sex in public

15. played on a sports team

16. Smoked weed

17. smoked cigarettes

18. smoked a cigar

19. drank alcohol

20. watched “The Breakfast Club”

21. been overweight

22. been underweight

23. had an eating disorder

24. been to a wedding

25. made fun of someone for being fat

26. been on the computer for 5 hours straight

27. watched tv for 5 hours straight

26. been late for work

29. been late for school

30. kissed someone in the rain

31. showered with someone else 

32. failed my drivers test

33. ran a mile in less than 10 minutes

34. been outside my home country

35. been on a road trip longer than 5 hours

36. gotten my heart broken

37. had a credit card

38. been to a professional sports game

49. broken a bone

40. been unhappy about my weight

41. won a trophy

42. cut myself

43. had an STD

44. got engaged

45. been on a diet

46. tried out to be on a tv show

47. rode in a taxi 

48. been to prom

49. played in a drinking game

50. stayed up for 24 hours or more

51. been to a concert

52. had a three-some

53. had a crush on someone of the same sex 

54. been in a car accident

55. had braces

56. learned another language

57. killed an animal/bug

58. been at a yard sale

59. been to a japanese steakhouse

60. wore make up

61. talked to someone via webcam

62. lost my virginity before I was 16

63. had my wisdom teeth taken out

64. kissed someone a different race than myself

65. snuck out of the house

66. bought porn

67. had a virus on my computer

68. had oral sex

69. dyed my hair

70. gone skinny dipping

71. graduated from college

72. wore someone else’s clothes

73. voted in a presidential election

74. rode in an ambulance

75. rode in a helicopter

76. caught the stove on fire

77. got in a verbal fight

78. been on vacation

79. been on an airplane

80. been on a boat

81. had surgery.

82. kissed someone before I was 14.

83. beat a video game 

84. found something valuable on the ground

85. made a survey 

86. stalked someone on facebook/myspace

87. prank called someone

88. been to a library outside of school

89. spent over $100 shopping in one day

90. cut my hair and hated it

91. peed outside

92. went fishing

93. helped with charity

94. taken a pregnancy test.

95. been rejected by a crush

96. been suspended from school

97. broken a mirror

98. faked sick from school

99. owned a pet

100. been to six flags

uyvhjvkhvy < ME.

 0 cals/ light exercise 1-3 times a week

Day	Weight
06/21	141.5
06/28	137.47
07/05	133.49
07/12	129.56
07/19	125.68
07/26	121.85
08/02	118.06
08/09	114.32
08/16/2011	110.63

 500 cals/ moderate exercise 3-5 times a week

Day	Weight
06/21	141.91
06/28	138.36
07/05	134.86
07/12	131.41
07/19	128
07/26	124.64
08/02	121.33
08/09	118.07
08/16/2011	114.85

 
500 cals/ light exercise 1-3 times a week

Day	Weight
06/21	142.36
06/28	139.31
07/05	136.3
07/12	133.33
07/19	130.4
07/26	127.5
08/02	124.64
08/09	121.81
08/16/2011	119.02

the sun also rises

Have to lose 15-20+ before 2nd week in August because... 

1. New campus, new people, new boys, no sweating, shorts, confidence

2. back in the lowcountry = beach, river, pool-- swimsuits, shorts, dresses, tank tops, skirts. ALL THE  TIME.

3. cause' I am moving back in with my mom
4. go running with Rory lookin' good
5. help mum get back in shape
6. look awesome fitting in all my old skinny clothes
7. come back to C and visit chuck looking amazing :)
8. don't have enough money for groceries
9. want to spend money I do have on booze/ fun and save for when I move
10. I am super gross and fat ANYTIME I do not think that I am justifying what is disgusting as "okay even thought it is FAT

The rest of the month:

- 2 eggs with salsa in the morning till I run out of eggs & canteloupe/apples/carrots (only 1 of these per day)

- spaghetti till I run out

-soup till I run out

Tomorrow going to get coffee :)

Groceries for when I have to ask/ hopefully won't have to:
-apples
-eggs
-stuff to go with eggs
-pita
-spaghetti stuff
-carrots
-tea, coffee, diet soda
-diet drinks/food ??

Exercise of some kind every day -- buy Rory a new thing to run with her -- no binging -- try to excuse eating out (saves money and calories) -- post every morning while drinking coffee -- water, water, water -- if feeling desperate must try on three pairs of shorts and two tops & then still no binging

My favorite story

Variations

If I eat 500 cals... (all with light exercise, and I do more than that btwn waiting table jobs AND the gym)

05/07/2011	137.02	2226.48	1726.48
05/14/2011	133.59	2205.04	1705.04
05/21/2011	130.2	2183.86	1683.86
05/28/2011	126.85	2162.94	1662.94
06/04/2011	123.54	2142.29	1642.29
06/11/2011	120.27	2121.89	1621.89
06/18/2011	117.04	2101.74	1601.74
06/25/2011	113.86	2081.85	1581.85

If I eat 0 cals...

05/07/2011	136.17	2221.15	2221.15
05/14/2011	131.75	2193.56	2193.56
05/21/2011	127.39	2166.32	2166.32
05/28/2011	123.08	2139.41	2139.41
06/04/2011	118.82	2112.84	2112.84
06/11/2011	114.62	2086.59	2086.59
06/18/2011	110.47	2060.68

hhoop

SO, even if I am rarely active and eat 100 cals a day I can meet my goal by the end of the summer,
:) SUCH a relief, I feel so gross today-- I have had 550 cals, and have to try some foods at my new job but I think it will be a 1000 day... and I am going to be fasting, plus exercising more than so I should lose faster-- yyeeaa :)

Day	Weight	Calories Used	Your Calorie Deficit
05/07/2011	137.88	2231.81	1231.81
05/14/2011	135.42	2216.51	1216.51
05/21/2011	133	2201.4	1201.4
05/28/2011	130.61	2186.48	1186.48
06/04/2011	128.25	2171.74	1171.74
06/11/2011	125.92	2157.18	1157.18
06/18/2011	123.62	2142.81	1142.81
06/25/2011	121.35	2128.62	1128.62
07/02/2011	119.1	2114.6	1114.6
07/09/2011	116.89	2100.75	1100.75
07/16/2011	114.7	2087.08	1087.08
07/23/2011	112.53

Trying to work some stuff out in my head... so, a few months ago I got really drunk and a friend asked me something that I didn't quite understand cause we were in a bar and I was drunk, and I did not answer her very clearly. She asked about the living stuff for next year adn I was trying to tell her that i would love to live with her and that she was welcome at our house without it sounding like I liked her more or less than my current roomies. What I was thinking = It would be really great to add you to the group because you are different, not in a better or worse way, and it would really be nice to have you around. What I said was, "Yea, that'd be awesome cause somethimes I feel like I dont relate to my roomies and yea, you know." (realizes that doesn't sound right AT ALL and is not a success in communicating my thoughts in any way) "you know what I mean? Just you like places like this and itd be nice to have a buddy to go there... i dont always like the bars they go to."
I AM SO DUMB. Things have been weird after that and I really don't know what to do to fix it because that isn't what I mean. I really, really need a night with one of my old friends to just cry out about this... gah, thats not my effing thoughts at all.
And worse, the whole time I have lived with them I never really felt like a part of the group which is shitty and I think they think I lie a lot which I don't it just fucking sucks. I need to (1) not get on FB for about a week, (2) after my exam Wednesday- not miss any days at VT and (3) make more plans with them ahead of time, and (4) really watch how much I drink when I go out.
The reality is that the girl I was talking to still tries to hang out and all their friends still seem to like me so I didn't do anything too awful I just wasn't communicating well. Also, a lot of this is probably paranoia-- I am not as close to them but if I just go out more and chipper up I am sure it will get better and I will feel much better about the whole thing. M is prob just made bc I made friends with one of her friends which I have seen people get mad about before. K is prob just stressed plus I need to do something nice for her. And, I really just haven't seen Ma but she is prob thinking I am hurting/ affecting MI about VT. I can fix this even though I am sure nothing is actually wrong. Just need to be a better friend...
And, getting back on some uppers will help I am sure.
Plus, just making more plans which I should be able to do more with this second job... and I think I will go out more when I lose this weight which I think I can do by June. I mean, I am far from where I want to be now and I really need to tone up, but I am by no means fat. Just bigger than I want to be. Plus, the snicks... I have to quit doing that-- its awful. But I don't think thats it I just need to stop doing it for guilt reasons.
Quit talking about-- Ma, Jo, Scotland, religion, my future/ future plans, not feeling well, eating/losing weight, money problems, problems in my fam, Wboro/AL, sleep, and Mi
And be honesthonest but know there are some things not to talk about :) LOve.
Here is some inspiring bits...

New semi fav and a little nutrition

She is 5'8 and 115!! AHH, I am 5'9 and that is my goal weight! Ahhh... so excited now, just need to work out more.
I can not begin to describe how exciting this is fore me. .. So, I have to go to a nutritionist now due to problems I have with my stomach... bleh. She is going to watch my weight because of my history but what I think I am going to do is just start working out six days a week... yep :) that should throw it all off (gaining muscle, losing fat). And take vitamins. So I am really into Brit from Glee now as some fitspiration.. cause thats really my goal, to be at LEAST 125 (since I am being watched momentarily) and to be super toned. And healthy looking,... I want to be able to run my stress off and feel confident all the time.
After exams I can start with that, and fast. She said it was okay for me to not eat if I am not feeling well if I drink some boost thing, so that can be an excuse to do every now and then. Plus, I have to keep a food log so that should keep me really thinking about what I eat. Yay, me and being a more confident me.
Not feeling like fucking lard. Which is what I look like.. F.

Ode to Glee

They are all SO fit, exactly like I want to be and super thin.

truth is,

... they dont eat whatever they want whenever they want to-- that would be nice, i guess, but id rather be comfortable in who i am. the size i am comfortable with, no matter what other people think of it.
but im pretty sure theyll think its hot, hah :)

btw, i wish i could go to fat camp LOL