Many of my friends, one in particular, tell me that I should stop trying to please everyone and making everyone happy. This is true, I should do this... but, who am I if not "sweet" me? I am sweet because I am ever listening, helping, making you happy... this is what I used to think.
I have changed my mind. I will assert my will, as Nietzsche puts it, and quit being a coward waiting for others to be happy. These actions that I have more disturbingly justified as necessary to be who I am will end... or change. I am me, helping, listening, happy to see others happy without thinking this is what justifies my friendships... Here is the sparknotes version of what I am talking about within Thus Spoke Zarathustra,
"Zarathustra returns among people and finds that they have grown smaller while he was away, so that he must now stoop to be among them. Their desire for contentment and above all their desire not to be hurt by anyone have made them small. They call this cowardice "virtue," which they express through a constant aim to please and to gratify. Zarathustra has no respect for people who are unable to assert their own will."
I have to quit being so fearful of not being content or getting hurt, especially with rejection. It holds me back... I am me, but strong. You don't have to take my advice, you don't have to include me, and I don't have to be content, most certainly not because of you. I am brave. I make myself who I am... not your judgements or opinions of what makes me who I am.
I love people-- thats why I love listening to them
I am more private-- thats why I dont always talk about my problems. Not because I want to hear all about other people or some shit.. I just dont feel the need, better yet, most of the time, I dont need to talk about whats going on.
Its me, its not everything you feel, or see as me.
I am brave, strong, and independent, without you.
This is love, this is bravery.
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